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Angry Woman Walking

Ever feel so angry you could rip life up into pieces, pour gasoline on it, flick a stupid match on that pile of shite, toss your head back and laugh? Yeah, me neither.

But, I mean, I’ve totally got it all together.

Hypothetically speaking though, I suppose I could see someone being really frigging pissed off at the - let's call them challenges - that life sometimes bestows. Perhaps a person might feel like the bottom is literally falling out from under them and they would very much like to kick someone in the neck? Well, what about if at the same time they had a voice in their head that was calm and soft and frigging relaxed as all hell and it was saying things like “This too shall pass.”? Oh man... I imagine that’d be rather annoying. Right? You know? Like wouldn’t you just like to wrap your fingers around that glass-half-full voice and choke the life breath right out of it?

I would imagine that person would try to deal with it all and stuff the anger away and be super positive on the outside, too. They would say things like “Hey, it’s life!” or “What’re you going to do but roll with it?” and then smile and sip their wine and stuff. And they would probably try not to think about the bit of stink on them, like a rancid skunk, or the fact that some folks get a whiff of them and back up a bit and with each retreating step away they say things like, “You can do it!” And then offer no means of help whatsoever. But they don’t owe them anything. No one does. So I would imagine this irate person would try to focus on the positive stuff in life and not how fucking long they’re going to have to just sit there and ‘take it’ because they’d be afraid that if they did think about the unfair crap ass situations life tosses out sometimes they’d erupt like a volcano of vitriol and it would spill out all over the place and they wouldn’t know how to make it stop.

It’d maybe be a little different if this person was a female though because as we all know there’s nothing more unacceptable than an angry woman. Very taboo. Definite no no. How very unfeminine! Dainty lasses just should never be angry and most certainly not use foul language. I'm clutching my imaginary pearls just thinking about it. And, my stars - what if it were me that was pissed?! Most of the time I suppose I'd think, “Take a deep breath. Look around. You have so much to be grateful for. Relax. Things really, really will work out.” You know, irritatingly supportive stuff that in that moment would make me gag and then after my inner pep talk I’d look around for someone else to talk to and take a sip of something alcoholic and ignore my urge to scream and pull my hair out and go cra cra.

Anyway, later, after I calmed down and was folding laundry I’d think about how it is a waste of time to be that angry anyway. It changes nothing. And, I mean nothing comes from that aggression except maybe a hangover and digestive issues because the angry one was shoving the anger down instead of surrendering to it and thusly was over-served and then binged on Doritos because her attitude was like, “Fuck it, we’re all going to die.” And I'd think as I matched a pair of socks together, “Okay. That is true. We are all going to die. But - what’s happening right now? In this present moment. It’s all we have. You’re a magnet, blah blah blah.” But I think after a few of the blah blah blahs, while I was brushing wine-stained teeth I might notice a little flicker. A little something in the eyes of the poor, sad, gal hosting the angry pity party for herself. That little glimmer in her eyes - I’ve seen it before. I know what it is. It’s called hope. I would catch a flicker of hope! in those scared, angry eyes and I’d know that gal was going to be okay. “Be mindful of your thoughts. Stay aware of now. This is a gift, you just don't know it yet.” And I’d feel happy for her, for us, because I’d remember that we’re all connected. All parts of our selves. We are a yin and yang. And might as well throw in the rest of humanity while we're at it. The whole gang of us is connected! Yes, even that annoying telemarketer or the dismissive nerd at the Apple store or the douche on his phone at Starbucks. We are all one. We are in it. Together. And then I’d remember to go for a walk for crying out loud because everybody always feel better after they’ve gone for a walk!

#Angrywoman #Hope

© 2016 by Marion McNabb Grace

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